A Dignified Life by Virginia Bell MSW

Author:Virginia Bell, MSW
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Alzheimer’s disease, dementia, alzheimer's care, communicate effectively, redirect in positive ways, implement many activity ideas, keep your loved one connected and engaged, insights into caregiving options
Publisher: Health Communications, Inc.
Published: 2012-11-18T16:00:00+00:00

III

THE BEST FRIENDS APPROACH IN ACTION

7

Connecting

Communicating with “Knack”

At a support group meeting, one man expressed frustration that the notes he was leaving on the refrigerator door for his wife with Alzheimer’s disease were not working. He had hoped the notes could serve as important reminders whenever he left her alone in their mobile home to run a brief errand. A typical note might be “Take your medicine at noon” or “Don’t leave the house!”

He might as well have been leaving the notes in an ancient language. Why? Because his wife might read the notes and not understand them; might read the notes, but then, due to her poor memory, almost immediately forget the message; or might not even remember to read them at all! Refrigerator notes, even with lots of cute magnets drawing attention to them, normally don’t work or become ineffective over time.

The loss of communication takes its toll on the relationship between the person and his or her care partner. It makes it much harder to get the person dressed or to discuss everyday problems and concerns. If something wonderful happens—a new grandchild, a successful fund-raiser you have chaired, a published poem in an anthology—you may not be able to fully communicate these experiences to the person with dementia. Husbands and wives may no longer be able to talk over problems and concerns or share in important decisions. Adult children may no longer be able to count on a parent for helpful advice. Two brothers may no longer be able to talk at length about their favorite sports team. Day-to-day communication becomes increasingly difficult. All of this adds to the challenges of caregiving.

The Best Friends approach has many powerful elements that will enhance communication with people with even advanced stages of dementia. Again, we look to the elements of friendship for inspiration. Good friends communicate in many ways, including verbally and nonverbally. Good friends also make an effort to communicate. Good friends come to understand each other well.

Individuals with Alzheimer’s disease or other dementia retain the need to communicate long after their vocabulary and language skills diminish. They want to understand and be understood. However, you as the care partner must also have a desire to communicate with and be present for the person.

BEST FRIENDS PHILOSOPHY OF COMMUNICATION

In good dementia care, it takes a Best Friend to reach out and make a meaningful connection. Here is how it is done.

Remember the Basics of Good Communication

The principles of good communication still apply in dementia care. Communication is enhanced by good eye contact; specific, descriptive language; appropriate volume and tone; and appropriate gestures and body language. However strange it may feel to you, an important first step in approaching a person is to introduce yourself and explain your relationship to him or her, even if you are a family member. When you help out by saying, “Hi Lorraine, it’s me, your sister, Mary,” you are setting the stage for a positive interaction. Even if she says

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